You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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