Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
