I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
