Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
