Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
