what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
