I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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