I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ketchup is God's man juice
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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