It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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