Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
