My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
