He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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