Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
