The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
