I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
