So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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