In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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