There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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