Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
