I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am one with the molecules
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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