Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
