Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
