there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
