Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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