I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
