woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
