We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
