Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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