i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He felt like a one man threesome
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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