She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
