In America we eat man semen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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