No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Less talking, more tequila
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
