So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize