Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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