Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
