I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
