i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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