i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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