I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
