He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
