i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
