am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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