if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
