awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
