i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
