I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
