I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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