I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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