my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
