u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
