My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
