It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
