A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
