just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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