U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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