based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
