She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
