Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
