dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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