it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize