Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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