Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
