im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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