i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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