sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
