Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
