Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
